I Noticed
by Literarygirl
Summary: It started with little things. I noticed Karamatsu going out more than ever first I didn't think about it.He was probably going to find his shitty Karamatsu Girls or something. That was what I thought. I guess I was wrong.
1. Chapter 1

It started with little things.

I noticed Karamatsu going out more than ever lately . At first I didn't think about it . He was probably going to find his shitty Karamatsu Girls or something.

That was what I thought.

I guess I was wrong.

I noticed his smile would fall more easily, and when he thinked no one was looking, he would sit and look at some random object with deep thoughts.I wish to know what he thought back then.

He then started to wake more early . It even got to point where he would get up when the sun rise.

Then I realized.

He actually never slept . He just lay there awake and sometimes his erratic breaths would turn to normal for a few hours,and I would understand he fell asleep, then he would wake up terrified from the nightmares and continue to his erratic breaths and his thoughts which I never know.

Why I know all of this?Because after sometime I became too worried and just watched him at nights, wide awake.

This was not enough.I should've done more.

This had more effect on him than he expected I guess.

Because it was clearly shock on his face just before he collapsed.

When he wake up no one was there . No one cared for him.

Expect there was me . Expect I was the only one who carried him to the couch and give him a blanket . Since everyone just get out of the room after his collapse.

But he didn't know that.I should've told him that I care . That I see him . That I love him very much.

But I didn't.

Because I was stubborn and trash.

Because I am stubborn and trash.

He slowly got up from the couch and got in the bathroom.

I can swear I heard his sobbing from the bathroom that day.

After that, he stopped singing.

Everyone in the house was happy with this event . Because  
it was just Shittymatsu's disturbing voice and guitar.

Expect me and him.

No one asked him why did he do that . Why did he stopped.I wanted to ask.I want to ask . But I'm a coward.I couldn't ask.I should've ask.

Sometimes I caught him looking at his guitar with longing.I wanted to scream;

"Go and play!What are you waiting?! If you want just sing like before!No one can say anything! I won't let them!"

But I didn't. Because I was afraid that I can't stop the others from saying bad things.

He then started to stay outside until midnight . Some days he never came home . Seemed like no one noticed . It 's like he never existed.

I noticed.

I noticed when he quietly closed the front door at night and walked in with light steps . When the beer he drank hit my nose . When he changed to his pyjamas . When he just lied down and continued to think things I never know before his body couldn't take and puted him in sleep.

I noticed when he started to eat less and less.I noticed when he nearly stopped eating.I noticed when he lost weight and I could count his bones.

I noticed when he stopped wearing his shitty clothes.I noticed his precious mirror broken in trash.

I noticed when he stopped talking to any of us . When somebody - which is something rarely happens - talked to him how he would smile so forcefully . The person he talked didn't noticed that.

I did.

I noticed when he didn't came home for 5 days.

I noticed when he run and vomit the little things he ate.

I noticed no one else noticed.

I noticed when he practically became a living ghost.

I noticed all of this.

But I didn't do anything.

I should've.

Because even I didn't notice him leaving a little letter and leaving the house forever.

I didn't expect the police call from the hospital.

I didn't expect him to suicide from a bridge.

But I'm really glad he survived.

But it's my fault.

I noticed everything but I didn't say or do anything.

I'm the worst.

I just want him to be happy now, my Karamatsu Nii-san.

Just live and be happy.

I want to apologize you for not saying anything even though I noticed.

So,please wake up.

I'm waiting.

I promise I will notice everything from now on.

So please don't leave me.

I know you can do this so I'm waiting.

I'm waiting Nii-san.


	2. Chapter 2

It was just two weeks.

Not a long time generally.

But for me it felt like an eternity.

After Karamatsu Nii-san jumped, it took him two weeks to wake up. Doctors said it was normal, since he didn't get a life theratening wound, unlike what he tried to do .

When I told the news about his suicide, no one believed me at first.

I'm not sure why they didn't because I don't usually speak out of necessary.

Especially for Karamatsu.

Well,I think they believe it now, since I made sure that they believe me .

It was after two days of his suicide,first two days I stayed near him without thinking anything else so I didn't contact to anyone .Especially to mom. Because I was afraid of the worst.

I came home looking like a total mess and opened my bedroom door.

Osomatsu Nii-san was playing cards with Totty, Choromatsu Nii-san was looking at his boring magazines, Jyushimatsu was nowhere to be found, which is good, since he is the only one in my brothers I don't really wanna tell about this mess.

I made my mind up and took a deep breath.

"Karamatsu committed suicide. But he's alive and in coma right now ."

I was so calm and sounded perfectly normal that I was disgusted with myself.

I was expecting everyone to believe in me instantly and rush to hospital.

But that didn't happen.

I guess only one that believes in me is you, Karamatsu Nii-san.

Osomatsu and Todomatsu didn't even raise their heads. Choromatsu lowered his magazine and raised an eyebrow.

"What are you saying, Ichimatsu? It can't be real. I mean we're talking about Karamatsu."

I didn't gave an answer to Choromatsu . I just kept my death glare going randomly between three of them.

Finally Osomatsu raised his head and said his oh so clever thoughts.

"What's wrong Ichimatsu? Did you poisened him and now you're trying to get away with it? Don't worry, I'm pretty sure Karamatsu will forgive ya. Now, don't just stand there, come and tell me where were you for this two days? Nii-san got worried, you know?"

That's it,Ichimatsu thought.

This is my limit.

Ichimatsu launched at Osomatsu without even thinking. All the stress that piled up from all these months,from noticing his older brother's pain, from couldn't even do anything,was now overflowing.

He managed to land three punch and one headbutt before Osomatsu shook his shock off and easily blocked Ichimatsu.

Choromatsu and Todomatsu was freezen, both of them dropped their stuffs in a comical way but the matter at the hand was serious enough for Ichimatsu to not laugh at them.

Besides, he was too busy trying to beat the fuck out of his oldest brother.

But Osomatsu pinned him to ground and took both his hands and legs in control.

"What the hell do you think you're doing Ichimatsu?! Calm the fuck down or I will make you."

When Ichimatsu didn't answer and continued to trash around Osomatsu just tightened his hold more.

But he let his guard down once he saw the tears in the corners of his brother's eyes .

"Hey...What's wrong?Just tell me."

This just made Ichimatsu more angrier . He just telled them, for the god sake. Ichi took this chance and threw Osomatsu out of balance and got top of him.

Then he just lost it.

"WHAT'S WRONG? WHAT'S WRONG? LET ME TELL YOU WHAT'S WRONG. THE WRONG THING IS NEVER NOTICING YOUR YOUNGER BROTHER'S PAIN. THE WRONG THING IS PLAYING CARDS WHILE YOUR YOUNGER BROTHER IS IN HOSPITAL FROM SUICIDE. THE WRONG THING IS CARING ABOUT TRASH LIKE ME MORE THAN THE PERSON WHO CARES ABOUT YOU MORE THAN ANYONE . HOW CAN YOU CARE FOR ME AND NOT FOR HIM? HOW? WHY? WHY ?!"

Ichi quited down and started crying silently while holding Osomatsu's parka in his both hands.

Everything was quiet for a minute . No one dared to even breath. The only noise was Ichimatsu's silent crying.

Then he spoke up in a small voice between sobs.

"The wrong thing is...me being alive while he slowly dies."


End file.
